Newborn AP's: Did you agree on names for the baby with the natural parent?

Did you include them in the naming of the baby? Did you incorporate any of their family names into your son/daughters?

Newborn AP's: Did you agree on names for the baby with the natural parent?
We were not matched until after our son was born and his mother had already signed TPR, so she had already named him. We asked, through her caseworker, about where the names had come from. Once we heard them, and looked up the meaning, and knew that the middle name was her father's middle name, we knew we couldn't take that away from him. We had a different first name chosen, and before making it official, we asked her at placement what she thought of it, and she loved it and wanted us to use it. We talked about using one of the names as a middle name, but I couldn't "discard" either of them - it felt like they were his to keep, not mine to take away. So, he has three names - the one we picked and the two she picked - all with her blessing.





I couldn't imagine having taken either of the two names away from him - I wanted him to keep that connection with her and his family.
Reply:Our son's first mom actually put the name that we had chosen together on his original birth certificate.





When she gave birth the next time, she placed the baby for 3 days after she was born, she was named Carly after my grandpa, which we had chosen together, and when she kept the baby and didn't place her, she kept the name after my grandpa, who she never met.





I think that in any private adoption, that it's important to discuss names, and get to know one another between adoptive and natural parents. I see so much of them in him, like the way he smiles is a mixture, and the way he frowns is just like his first mom's frowny (when she was "funning" ) face. I believe that he has two sets of parents, not just one. Just because they placed him, doesn't mean that he didn't come from their bodies, and their hearts. Just my thing...
Reply:Our first correspondence with them was us receiving a questionnaire they had written. We knew nothing about them except she was a friend of a friend, and it was sent from a PO Box





One of the questions mentioned their belief that names are personally powerful and asked what names we liked for either gender, what they meant, and why we liked them.





She started calling him by the name we answered before she even contacted us again. She loved it, and she loved it's meaning.





I asked her later what names she liked, had chosen, or if we could incorporate any special names, but she said she hadn't found any names she liked, and the name we had stated blew her away and she was going to use it whether she chose to parent or relinquish.





She put it on his original BC as well.
Reply:Our youngest came to us from the hospital at 4 days old. She was already in foster care at that time and the adoption was completed by the time she was 5 months old.





During her 4 days in the hospital she had 3 names given to her by her birth mother. They were all essentially variations of the same but it was different from her admission paperwork to her crib card to the letter left by her birth mother for us.





At the end of the day we kept part of her first name (it was hyphenated) when we formally adopted her and we thought about keeping her last name as a middle name but we decided against that eventually. During the adoption process, through the social workers, the birth father asked if we were planning on changing her name and we informed him that we were not changing it totally but that we were amending it or shortening it by removing the hyphenated part and he was fine with that. He understood why we were doing it and essentially it retained a major connection to her name(s) at birth and it also had a major connection to one of my family names so we felt it was a perfect "bridge". He agreed and what is what we did. The birth mother had left town long before this stage and only spoke at the PGO hearing through her lawyer so she was never consulted when the time came for the adoption.
Reply:My daughter has a unique honor in being allowed to choose her name. Since I adopted her at age 9, I selected 3 names that I thought would go well with her Chinese name. She chose the second name I suggested - we never got to the third. Then I asked her to choose whether she wanted her Chinese name to be her first name or middle name. This was important, of course, because in America we are mostly called by our first names (in China it is a different order, surname first).





She chose the American first name and her Chinese middle name, although I often do call her by her Chinese name as a nickname.





Come to find out, she had been through multiple failed placements in China. In Chinese orphanages, they often change the children's names (how wrong is that?). Her surname and "middle" name were changed, but her given name remained the same, for some reason. In fact, her Chinese given name was the only name that she has had that has remained the same since she was two days old. I have always felt that it was so important that it worked out this way. It's the one thing she was able to keep all these years.





All of this was made more interesting since she spoke no English when she chose her name (in China) and it was all done with the help of the translator. Luckily my daughter is very outgoing and very decisive and has always been happy with her choice. :-)
Reply:Her natural mother named her and we had no desire to change it. She was five weeks old when we brought her home and her name was a part of her.





Her natural mother gave her a name that fits her perfectly.
Reply:Oh my Lord. The adoptive parents are the PARENTS and should name the child whatever they deam is best!!!